Attention, obsessive girlfriends: if you don't change your behaviour, you will drive your boyfriend away. You know you're obsessing when you're quizzing him about where he hangs out and who he's with. Sending him text after text and spiralling into despair when he doesn't reply right away is another warning sign, as is asking him over and over if he loves you or if he thinks you're pretty. If a night apart from him feels like torture, it's time to step back and question your obsessive behaviour. Trust and independence are key to a healthy relationship, so it's time to change your mindset before it's too late.
- Skill level:
- Moderately Challenging
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Cultivate confidence. Obsessive behaviour often stems from a lack of self-esteem -- if you don't believe in your own self-worth, it's easy to succumb to thoughts that your boyfriend doesn't love you or is cheating on you. Make a list of the reasons why you're awesome -- things you do well and amazing traits you have.
Focus on yourself. You were a complete person with friends and hobbies before you met him, so that shouldn't change now. Have brunch with your girlfriends. Go to the gym. Take a class in something you've always wanted to try, whether it's photography, African dance or creative writing. Focusing on your own friends and interests will help you get rid of your obsessive thoughts, and men love confident, curious women.
Give him space. Just as it's important for you to maintain your own friends and interests, it's important for him, too. Encourage him to pursue his hobbies and hang out with his friends. Remember that just because he's watching the game with his buddies tonight, it doesn't mean that he's out with other girls or that he doesn't want to see you. Plus, spending some time apart will give you even more to talk about next time you're together!
Replace obsessive thoughts with confident ones. Every time you find yourself thinking that he might not call, replace that thought with "he may not call right now, but I know he will soon." Trade "he's out checking out other girls" with "I'm attractive, so of course my boyfriend thinks so, too!"
Think before you act. Acting on your obsessive impulses will erode trust and eventually destroy the relationship. Count to a hundred before you send him that seventh text. Go for a walk if you're tempted to call and grill him on his whereabouts. Smile and lay your head on his shoulder before you ask him if he loves you.
Use visualisation techniques to banish obsessive thoughts. For example, envision a broom sweeping obsessive thoughts out of your head.
Tips and warnings
- If you've tried all of the above steps and are still obsessing, or if you find that obsession is a pattern for you, see a therapist. He can help you work through some of the underlying reasons for your obsessive behaviour.
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