How to Recover From a Commitment-Phobic Man

Updated February 22, 2017

A commitment phobic man breaks out in a sweat when you mention a future together. Your phone calls are not returned. He has unexplained absences. In the end, he is not willing to engage in a long-term, serious relationship. When you finally do decide to move on, it may take some time and therapy to recover from a commitment phobic man.

Know that it is him, not you. Commitment phobic men often have a history of being unable to commit to a woman or anything else. They tend to have many short-term relationships and are prone to having affairs. They may even have trouble committing to a place to live, which leaves them residing in other people's apartments or other peculiar arrangements. You cannot change a commitment phobic man.

Do not believe what he says if he comes to you with apologies and sweet talk. A commitment phobic man loves the chase, but has no interest in growing the relationship. His actions speak louder than his words. Signs of commitment phobia are being evasive and unavailable, blaming you for being too demanding, being overly committed to work or other distraction that keeps him from spending time with you, or becoming closed or anxious when you talk about a future together.

Establish your independence. Commitment phobic men are unpredictable. Keep control of your finances. Have your own place to live. Do not put yourself in a position where you depend on him for anything.

Socialise with other people. Go to the movies with friends. Go shopping with your sister. Invite friends over for dinner and pay attention to what healthy relationships look like.

Indulge in things you enjoy. Take long bubble baths. Buy yourself chocolates for Valentine's Day. Give yourself the love and attention you didn't receive from the commitment phobic man.

Stand your ground. Commitment phobic men sometimes feel trapped in a relationship. They are unable to commit to growing the relationship and unable to commit to leaving. They love you when you are not with them. Their distancing behaviours get worse and worse until the woman chooses to end the relationship.

Watch for signs of commitment phobia when dating to avoid getting emotionally involved with another commitment phobic man.

Seek therapy if you find yourself attracting only commitment phobic men or if you are having trouble coping with the break-up.

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About the Author

Alice Drinkworth has been a writer and journalist since 1995. She has written for community newspapers, college magazines and Drinkworth earned a Bachelor of Arts in journalism from the University of Wisconsin and won a media award for her in-depth coverage of local politics. She is also a certified master gardener.