How to Make a Shy Guy Relax on a Date

Written by a.m. trent
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How to Make a Shy Guy Relax on a Date
Can you help this shy guy relax? (a shy boy image by rgbspace from

Diana Kirschner, psychologist and author of "Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love," tells CNN that helping a shy guy relax and open up on a date is slightly challenging but very rewarding. Dating is awkward enough without this challenge. However, dating a shy guy may prove to be rewarding in the long run once you coax him out of his shy shell.

Skill level:
Moderately Challenging


  1. 1

    Ask him to pick the time and location. According to Kirschner, a shy guy is more likely to relax and open up if he is in a comfortable place. Ask the guy to pick the location so he can feel more confident and relax during the date.

  2. 2

    Arrive at the location on time. Do not arrive late for the date or else the shy guy may become too nervous to relax.

  3. 3

    Greet the guy with a warm smile. It does not matter if the smile is open-mouth or closed-mouth, as long as it looks natural.

  4. 4

    Use the guy's name when you start talking to him. According to Kirschner, this makes the guy feel noticed and helps him relax.

  5. 5

    Ask the guy open-ended questions. Open-ended questions require more than a "yes" or "no" answer. According to the article "First Impressions Count," open-ended questions fit within one of the following formats: who, what when, where, why and how.

  6. 6

    Talk about common interests. This encourages the guy to open up to you and relax. For example, if you and the guy like a certain film, then discuss the film.

  7. 7

    Compliment the guy anytime during the date. According to Kirschner, the compliment must be genuine and should feel natural. You can compliment him on his looks, skills, intelligence or other factors, as long as it is genuine.

Tips and warnings

  • Do not say the guy's name in every sentence or else he may become nervous.
  • Avoid asking constant questions. Constant questioning makes the date feel more like an interview.
  • Avoid asking controversial questions on the first date. Asking questions about political views, religion, sex, etc. may cause the guy to feel nervous.

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