How do I force my girlfriend to have a paternity test?

Written by oubria tronshaw
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How do I force my girlfriend to have a paternity test?
Suspecting your child isn't yours can be heartbreaking. (Peter Dazeley/The Image Bank/Getty Images)

Asking your girlfriend to take a paternity test is a delicate matter. It implies that you don't believe you're the father of her child, which means you thinks she's capable of lying, cheating and deliberate deception. Refusal to take the test could just as easily be an indication of her innocence as her guilt. Forcing her to take a test to prove paternity requires having the law on your side. If you feel you've been fraudulently paying child support, a judge might require her to prove paternity. Without the law on your side, you're going to have to encourage her the old fashioned way: keep asking.

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  1. 1

    Tell her how you feel. Explain to your girlfriend that you have doubts about the child's paternity. Don't argue or shout -- simply state your case in a calm, serious matter. If your girlfriend gets upset and attempts to escalate the situation, acknowledge her feelings and stick to your point. Say, "I understand this upsets you. Its upsets me as well. But I can't ignore how I feel. Let's get a paternity test and put the matter to rest once and for all."

  2. 2

    Do the work. If you'd like to take a DNA test at a lab, set up the appointment and pay the fee. If you'd like to do a test at home, buy the kit. Explain to your girlfriend that you're not just complaining or making empty threats but that you really want answers and have made the preparations necessary to find out the truth. Make it plain that the only thing holding back the process is her permission.

  3. 3

    Pull back your involvement. If the child is a newborn or infant, explain to your girlfriend that you won't act as the child's father until you know for sure. If you're living together, move out until you know the truth, so you won't unknowingly get attached to a child that may not be yours.

  4. 4

    Explain the stakes. Tell her that not having the paternity test jeopardises the continuation of your romantic relationship. If the child is older and you have been acting as his father, explain to your girlfriend that you won't stop acting as the child's father just because he's not biologically yours. If the child is a newborn, explain that finding out the child isn't yours doesn't automatically mean you'll leave her to raise the baby alone. Tell her that you believe the two of you can make it through anything with honesty and open communication, but if she continues to withhold the truth a civil relationship with her will be nearly impossible.

  5. 5

    Consider legal action. If you've been paying child support and fulfilling other legal, financial and emotional support to the child but suspect you're not the father, a family court might force your girlfriend to prove paternity. Do this as soon as suspicions arise. Consult a solicitor who specialises in family and domestic law for advice.

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