When your boyfriend appears to be obsessed with you, he may be demonstrating signs of a psychological condition known as relational dependency (RD). RD is said to occur when one person acquires an unwholesome sense of attachment to another. The obsessive boyfriend suffers from a lack of self-worth and is driven by a need for external validation. He attempts to find a sense of value by controlling the affections of his girlfriend.
- Skill level:
- Moderately Easy
Recall the beginning of your relationship. A person with an obsessive personality will often become attached very quickly to a prospective partner. He may assume the dynamics of a lasting and committed relationship, even at first meeting.
Notice how your boyfriend reacts at times when your contact with one another is appropriately delayed. If you find him frequently calling, messaging or stopping by while you attend to a customary obligation, he may be struggling with a deep-seated fear of abandonment. This issue lies at the root of obsessive behaviour in relationships and, over time, can lead to increasingly harmful behaviour.
Notice how your boyfriend regards the course of your daily life. A man who compels you to justify how you spend every moment of the day, is likely relationally dependent. This is because an obsessive partner lives in constant fear of being betrayed. This fear is an expression of the abandonment he anticipates will eventually occur.
Note whether your boyfriend accuses you of infidelity without cause. He may also fill conversations with leading questions that raise doubt on your ability to commit. An obsessive partner feels as if he is not worthy of receiving love and will repeatedly create evidence to support his convictions.
Consult your own feelings. Your emotions can act as an inner guidance system that identifies your involvement a destructive relationship. Intimate relationships are designed to enhance the lives of both people. Notice whether your energy level rises or drops at the thought of spending time with your boyfriend. If you feel overwhelmed, constrained or "empty" around your partner, you may be in an emotionally abusive situation.
Tips and warnings
- Treat any threat of physical harm, either direct or implied, as an emergency. An obsessive boyfriend may suggest that he will harm you, or himself, in the event of a break-up. If this happens, it is imperative that you immediately remove yourself from the situation and contact the appropriate authorities.
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