How to write a love letter to a man

Written by timothea xi
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How to write a love letter to a man
Don't forget the lingering traces of perfume. (Jupiterimages/ Images)

Handwritten love letters hearken back to a bygone era where people took the time to craft loving words to their sweethearts rather than dash them off at a computer prompt. A thoughtfully composed love letter is an underutilised instrument in the female's love arsenal, one which you can learn to leverage and fuel the love between you. If the thought of writing such a letter intimidates you or your letter writing habits are rusty, realise that the most gratifying love letter a loved-one can receive is not necessarily cleverly contrived, but rather, one that speaks directly from your heart.

Skill level:


  1. 1

    Browse historical examples of love letters through the ages as both inspiration and a launching pad for ideas in writing your own letter. Look at "classic" love letters between famous lovers, couples and muses, but do not restrict yourself to these -- peruse the letters of people from all walks of life and professions to get a wide-ranging sense of how people of all backgrounds express their love.

  2. 2

    Determine a style and "fit" that suits you and your intended recipient. Look for a model or template based on the letters you have browsed, perhaps a passionate letter, or a more reflective one. Or, if you want to be more extemporaneous about it, freewrite the letter and see where your love takes you. You don't have to send him this initial experimental draft if you do not want to. Discover for yourself your true feelings for this person.

  3. 3

    Write another draft until it feels right. Depending on the nature of your relationship, you will want to tailor your letter accordingly.

  4. 4

    Bear in mind the person to whom you are writing. Contemplate his personality, bearing, demeanour, anything that will help you ground him in your mind. Visualise how he will respond to your letter, at the same time centring on how he makes you feel. If the feelings are overwhelming and you cannot express them, allude to specific moments that you have shared. Give yourself the leeway to be yourself without placing pressure on yourself to be perfect.

  5. 5

    Take advantage of the many nonverbal ways you can communicate with him in the composing and sending of your love letter. Add special trinkets to the letter, perhaps a daub of your perfume, or write on a wonderful piece of stationery with a fountain pen, to enhance the reading experience. You are not confined to words if you can also make use of all your senses and the delayed gratification of snail mail. Affix a pretty stamp and discreetly seal the letter with your initials in wax, for the added (and tactile) effect of mystery.

Tips and warnings

  • For added incentive, read and picture the kind of love letter that your love would send to you. Read the love letters of both men and women. Speak to him as a man and play up to his masculinity if you like, but find a universal connection as well. If you have a favourite author or a shared favourite author, let the letters of that author serve as a touchstone as you communicate with one another.
  • Do not feel you must be poetic or another Heloise; writing letters is a lost art and just by writing the letter, you are showing him a level of interest and involvement that is rare in the electronic age.

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