10 Irritating "ironic" hipster fashion trends

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Hipsters are normal people that try to mark themselves out as "cool" in ways which to jaded cynics, or even normally cynical people, seem overly obvious. The first impression is of paramount importance to a hipster, and they dress accordingly.


Central to the hipster philosophy is a sense of "irony" and it is also important to the hipster to be alternative in some way. Whether being a hipster, and by definition part of an established group, is alternative, is ripe for speculation.

Heavy glasses

Thick-rimmed, preferably black glasses are a cornerstone of hipsterism. Once the domain of actual geeks with vast intellectual capacity, the serious spectacle look has been hijacked by shallow hipster culture purely for the perceived irony of looking highly intelligent without having to be very smart. Some hipsters value "irony" so much that the lenses in the glasses either are not present or made of normal glass with no magnifying potential, which defeats the point of glasses in a highly suitable ironic manner.

Related: Most annoying hipster habits

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Wellington boots used to be functional pieces of clothing without any style quotient. Kids wore yellow ones to play in puddles, farmers wore green ones to wade through muddy fields, and the upper classes wore a pair inherited from their grandmother to muck out stables. Now hipsters wear them to show how alternative they are, because normal shoes or boots are too practical and comfortable to wear to the coffee shop for an iced latte to ease the hangover of the indie gig of the night before. Only once in a while do the wellies of a hipster fulfil their potential, squelching around the torn-up grass of a weekend festival.

Related: Weird festivals in the UK

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Dorky T-shirts

When a hipster man or woman wears a day-glo t-shirt with a picture of an eighties cartoon character or some form of edible treat, the message is that the t-shirt is so dorky it's gone full circle and is actually cool. Any kind of t-shirt that promotes childhood happiness and nostalgia is ripe for hipster hijacking and callous squashing of sentiment on the altar of fashion, especially ones with pictures of doughnuts on them, set off by an attractive retro computer game necklace.

Related: What were we thinking... the worst fashion items of all time

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Trilby hats

There was once a time when men dressed like men and wore practical tailored clothing like suits and hats to keep out the cold and rain. The problem with trilbies as a hipster fashion item is that practicality has gone out the window, because the only accepted protocol for cool hipsters to wear a trilby is to balance it precariously on the back of the head like a Cheltenham fascinator, which handily defeats the original practical purpose of the hat and converts it neatly into an ironic useless piece of hipsterism.

Related: How to dress like a hipster…

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Jelly bracelets

Young teenage girls love wearing colourful, plasticky bracelets on their arms, and so do hipsters. Commonly sold as ways to raise money for good causes, those crazy hipsters tend to pick only those bracelets coloured to coordinate with the outfit of the day, because charity is, after all, trumped by style considerations. Often these bracelets have sentimental value to the hipster too, reminding him of the time he blew all his inheritance from his granny to go to Thailand to do something useful like prop up the bar at the Full Moon party.

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Army jackets

Generally, hipsters are so consumed by the energy involved in assigning irony to everything that they forget about real world issues, but not in the case of war and peace. Army jackets are an ideally ironic target for hipsters because it perfectly highlights their aversion to war and anything that doesn't involve sitting around in circles and chatting each other up to the soundtrack of a faux anguished indie band.

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Your granny's old dresses

Sexy young hipster women like to point ironically at their own attractiveness by wearing saggy flowery old granny dresses. This lets other people know that the hipster girl doesn't need to wear tight or properly stylish clothing to be hot, because even in her granny's dress from the forties, she still looks good. How ironic that when Granny wore it back then, she was conforming to gender stereotypes, but now on a hipster it's a feminist statement.

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Check Shirts

Check shirts are dangerous territory for a hipster, because normal people wear check shirts too. It is vital, if you want to survive the keen gaze and swift judgement of a hipster, to wear your check shirt in a particular manner. It should never be tucked in, it should always look scraggy, and it should either be buttoned right up to the neck in faux geek manner or left "carelessly" hanging open over a dorky t-shirt. Failure to comply with these regulations means instant hipster excommunication.

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Keeping the neck warm during cold weather is important during wintertime, but scarves have gained an impressive alternative usage throughout the year as neck decorations for hipsters. The college scarf is a favourite ironic one, worn inside buildings as well as out, knotted in a fashionable manner and dangling stylishly over the not-so-well-defined chest of the hipster man.

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Special sections in all British shoe shops exist to hold racks of "trainers" that are incapable of being used for running. Often with horrifically bright orange or yellow patterns, these hipster trainers are mere decorations for the feet of the chosen few. Those people brave enough to wear the shoes at the worst end of the aesthetic scale tend to be high up in the hipster social ladder, as they are so cool they can afford to wear basketball shoes that look like Will Smith and Jazzy Jeff wore them in their first attempt at a music video.

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