Infidelity is an unfortunately common phenomenon in our society. According to the relationship website "Truth About Deception," anywhere between 30 to 60% of Americans commit adultery at least once in a marriage. At the same time, many partners remain unaware -- intentionally or unintentionally -- of their spouses' extramarital activity. Though spying on a loved one is distasteful, forewarned is forearmed. Catching a cheating spouse can and should be done, whether to salvage a marriage or move on to a more fulfilling relationship.
Look for signs of infidelity. Detection of an unfaithful spouse often begins with a feeling that must be backed up with fact. Check whether the passenger seat of your partner's car is in its usual position. Inspect his clothing. Look for stray hairs that don't belong to you. Search for lipstick traces or unfamiliar perfume. Note whether your mate goes into another room to take calls or has recently bought a pager. Other hints include loss of interest in sex or unaccounted time away from home.
Open a proactive investigation against a cheater. Do not proceed unless you have discovered numerous signs of infidelity in the previous step; otherwise, a healthy relationship may be permanently damaged. Start looking for concrete evidence of infidelity. Review your mate's receipts, e-mails and voicemail. Install a GPS tracking device on her car to track movements. This work is delicate, sophisticated and emotionally draining by its very nature. Further, those who try to catch cheaters often get caught in the attempt. Consider hiring a private investigator to minimise your exposure.
Assemble your evidence. Bear in mind a cheating spouse will almost always deny an affair unless presented with incontrovertible proof. A flirty e-mail may not fulfil this standard. Obtain video or photographic documentation through hidden surveillance. Semen and sex detection kits may also provide solid evidence of an actual affair. Again, a private investigator may be a valuable ally in handling this matter.
Confront your spouse with the evidence. Define your intentions before taking this step. The goal of this confrontation should not be revenge or an excuse to get angry; it should be a means to establish a situation that will promote your emotional well-being. For instance, you may want to convince your spouse to enrol in therapy. If the relationship is irreparable, your evidence may be used for securing favourable terms in a divorce.
- Stay calm. Anger will not result in a positive outcome, even if you are the injured party.