Part Two: 15 More bizarre Google searches

Following up on the success of exposing your stupidity (by "your" we obviously mean somebody else) in our original guilty Google searches we decided to have another go. In times where everything can be googled, the most popular search engine is frequently asked for the strangest things. That includes instructions for the perfect murderer, comfort for heartbreak and hope against the fear for what lies beyond death. All those searches were done by anonymous users and recorded by Google. Let's take a look at the weirdest -and sometimes funniest- searches ever made!

Is God jealous?

Religious matters are, without a doubt, among the most private topics. There are those who practice their religion with devotion, reaching the point of wondering about what their god might think about them. Among the weirdest searches, Google recorded some people who asked if their god was jealous. We wonder what triggers that kind of a question. Couldthey've found somebody else and don't know how to break the news to god? Isn't he supposed to be all-knowing and forgiving? Whatever the case, some people's beliefs are well beyond our comprehension.

I like to eat cement

"There is no accounting for taste" is one of the greatest lies ever told, and Google's the best record to confirm it. We wouldn't hold it against you if you seasoned your beef with marmalade. But we do think that eating cement is dangerous to anybody's health and would like to advice against it. Even if we don't know about anybody actually trying it out and surviving to tell about it ... someone did google it.

Why did I get married?

Regretting decisions isn't something new to humanity. Questioning ourselves about why we made them in the first place isn't new either, but being able to ask the World Wide Web about them certainly is. It's not like the answers have changed in the least, but the immediacy of technology has brought the questions we used to keep to ourselves to the unforgiving publicity of indexed Google searches. If you've ever typed "Why did I get married?" in the search box, we don't have the answer either. But you might find some comfort knowing that your not alone at it.

How do I win the lottery?

Sometimes people can be very gullible. And Google's well aware of it, especially when it gets search requests like "How can I win the lottery?" If it was that easy, would there be as many games with millionaire prizes? And more importantly, wouldn't we all be rich by now? Reality checks seem not to work on daydreamers who trust the internet will someday rid them of all their problems, financial or otherwise.

Why did he break up with me?

Every break-up leads inevitably to spending some time by yourself, and it's common to use that time to mull over why it didn't work out. Some people can't figure that out by themselves or are simply accustomed to having others explain stuff to them. And when we say "others" we certainly mean Google. Far from it's original purpose of indexing the web, our favourite search engine is frequently assumed to be some kind of counsellor or therapist. We wonder if Google could provide trustworthy results on why people end relationships with partners who can't figure things out for themselves?

How to plan the perfect crime

How do I get rid of a body? As crazy as it may look, some have asked Google the most incriminating questions without a second thought. We wouldn't know if they found the answer they were looking for, or if they actually searched with the intention of going through with it. Whatever the case, it seems like technology can be put to many more uses than intended and crime won't stop taking advantage of it at every turn.

Why do I suffer for unrequited love?

Once again, Google starts looking like the perfect shoulder to cry on. He'll never leave us alone, we feel we can trust him with everything, and most of the time do trust him without a second thought. The search engine recorded more than a few broken hearts. It's not like he did or said anything special. He was just there when we needed him. And what's a good friend if not that?

Who will I marry?

As desperate as this might look, we've got it on record. There are people (yes, there were way more than one) who asked Google who their future spouses would be. Loneliness is one of the toughest feelings we've all got to deal with, but there's only a step separating desperation from embarrassment ... a step that involves a few keystrokes on our favourite search engine. What we'd like you to know is that the matters of the heart do not follow the same logic an internet search engine does. Just let life surprise you, searching after your destiny might not be the best way to find it.

I think I'm God

Still, there are some cases where we should be glad Google reads them before we do. That's the case of some people who believe themselves to be God and check the internet ... just to make sure, we suppose. These people, who'd better check into some kind of mental health institution before googling any further, would be the butt of many, many jokes if they took their research offline. We can only hope that Google persuaded them otherwise.

The origin of ... pillows?

We suspect that whoever turned to Google with this question did so after a long sleepless night. It seems like counting sheep wasn't enough for this curious insomniac. That's what probably got him wondering about the origins of stuff around him. What we'd really like to know is if he got up and sat on the computer right then and there, or if he finally got to sleep and cleared his doubts the following morning.

What is Heaven like?

Tempted by the possibility of committing sins, but fearful of ending up in Hell, some users exploit Google's almighty powers of search to inquire about life after death and weigh out if it is actually worth it. Their hope and solace consists, probably, in finding someone who came back from the other side to tell them that everything is going to be all right.

What's Hell like?

And on the other hand, there's those that aren't as interested in Heaven as they are in Hell. Whether they take it lightly or feel convinced that that's where they are going, having first hand knowledge about any place always comes in handy. They might have reconsidered their life's choices after reading the results ... or just felt more at ease with their final destination.

I want to be happy

Some users ask from Google questions no computer could answer. Nor do they seem to believe that happiness is an unreachable state. As if one had to check items out of a to-do list to be happy, they browse through the results, looking for answers that are nowhere to be found. The problem is that happiness, dear Internet users, is something you'll only find within yourselves.

God's country

Patriotism also has a place within the most bizarre search query rankings at Google. It would be best if we all agreed that God was born before any nation ever existed, now resides in Heaven, which is officially part of the international airspace, and be done with the whole argument. But if you don't believe us, ask any American friend of yours if they've ever asked Google if God was born over there. Trust us on this one, whatever he says, it's highly likely they did.

I'm afraid of losing the wonder

This one is a one-hit-wonder. A single internet user entered this search query, and Google's engineers have been scratching their heads ever since. Cryptic as it sounds, we'll probably never know what he meant with "the wonder." We guess that, finding no reference for his fear in real life, he could not think of any other place to look for it than on the web. We wouldn't know anything about the wonder either, but we're pretty sure that his marbles are long gone.

Related: The weirdest Google searches, some of us are guilty of

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About the Author

Since 2008, Belén Papa Orfano has worked as a journalist on the website of one of the most important economic journals of Argentina, "Ámbito Financiero." She writes articles about local politics, economics and arts. Previously, she worked for the cultural magazine "Gataflora."