History's most idiotic acts of drunkenness

Written by nick redfern | 13/05/2017
History's most idiotic acts of drunkenness
Do not do these things when you are drunk! (Getty Premium images)

Getting behind the wheel of a school bus, breaking into a zoo, taking a zebra for a ride, doing a singalong in the back of a police-car, and dressing like a zombie and a clown. All of these things have one thing in common: alcohol. As pretty much each and every one of has learned at some point or another, a night on the booze can mean a night of doing things you might not normally do. Mostly, it's harmless stuff. But, sometimes, that wrong-doing goes way overboard. Welcome to our top examples of alcohol-induced stupidity of the worst kind!

Woes of the wedding variety

History's most idiotic acts of drunkenness
Beer on the big day (NA/AbleStock.com/Getty Images)

It's probably one of the worst nightmares of any bride and groom: someone gate-crashes the big day and causes drunken chaos as the pair is about to utter those two important words of "I do." That's exactly what Bradley Stiner did in December 2012, at a Marco Island, Florida wedding. No-one was laughing as Stiner raced around the altar and hurled cans of beer here, there and everywhere. Particularly not in any mood for Stiner's brand of humour - at all - were the police. Nor was the best man, who got hit by one of the offending cans!

Related: Best locations for a perfect stag night

Not exactly Freddie Mercury

History's most idiotic acts of drunkenness
Caught on camera, Queen-style (Stuart Wilson/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images)

Anyone who recklessly drives under the influence of booze deserves everything they get. But, evidently, a 29-year-old Canadian man named Robert Wilkinson didn't care too much. After being arrested in Edson, Canada in November 2011, by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, he broke into an alcohol-fueled rendition of Queen's 1975 hit song, Bohemian Rhapsody! And, it was all caught on camera, as Wilkinson happily sat in the back of the police car, singing merrily to himself, if to no-one else. He pleaded not guilty to impaired driving. To say the singing was a bit impaired is a different matter, however!

Related: Youtube video of the incident...with very strong language

Santa is real - ask the cops!

History's most idiotic acts of drunkenness
Putting a downer on Xmas (Scott Barbour/Getty Images News/Getty Images)

They must be putting something strange in Canada's beer. Not only does it make people break into song in the back of police-cars, it also causes people to deny that Father Christmas exists. The nerve! The drunken humbug in question, an unnamed 24-year-old, was arrested in November 2012 in Kingston, Canada after telling a bunch of young school-kids that Santa's just a myth. That the guy had his hair full of gel to make it stand up like a couple of devil-horns, only made matters even more bizarre. Fortunately, the cops managed to reassure the kids that Santa is real!

Related: The most inappropriate Santas in the history of Christmas

Mum's the (drunken) word

History's most idiotic acts of drunkenness
Drinks with the family (Stockbyte/Stockbyte/Getty Images)

It's never, ever, a good thing to get rolling drunk in the street and loudly claim to the neighbours that you and your eleven year old son get ripped together on a regular basis. But, that's what happened one night in Hull, in May 2011, just before the mother in question quickly became a person of interest to the local police. The poor kid - tests ultimately showed - had a blood-alcohol count more than twice the legal limit for driving. Making matters even worse, his mum was seen pouring a can of lager over his head! What a mother.

Related: The UK's most popular local drinks

Literally blind drunk

History's most idiotic acts of drunkenness
Behind the wheel to behind bars (Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images)

It's bad enough driving drunk. It's even worse when you knock someone over. But, it practically defies belief when the offender in question on both counts is registered blind! Sounds like some concocted story? It's not. It's all sadly, and weirdly, true. After getting into a big row with his girlfriend, Suzanne Scawthon, at their home in Gainsborough, Lincolnshire, Scott Law - who had downed no less than five bottles of wine - did the unthinkable. Fortunately, Suzanne escaped with a few cuts and bruises. The ironically named Law did not. What he did get was nine months in clink.

Related: Get out of jail free card: Things you didn't know about the law

Alcohol and the zombie apocalypse

History's most idiotic acts of drunkenness
Dying for a drink (Sean Gallup/Getty Images News/Getty Images)

Did you ever wonder why the zombies in The Walking Dead stagger around so much? Well, we can let you in on a secret: returning from the grave to feed on the living gives you a thirst. And it's one that can only be quenched with alcohol. Want some proof? We've got it! On the day after Halloween 2012, a zombie was arrested by police - for driving under the influence - in Birmingham, Alabama, USA. Okay, we exaggerated very slightly. This zombie was actually a party-goer who fell asleep at the wheel in full-costume. Brain-dead, without a single doubt.

Related: How to survive a zombie outbreak

Clowning around

History's most idiotic acts of drunkenness
Not much fun, after all (Dick Luria/Photodisc/Getty Images)

The kids are expecting a great party, with lots of laughs and fun: a clown is coming to entertain them! But, sometimes, the best plans don't work out. Not at all. In May 2009, Patricia Ingalls - at the time a clown of seventeen years - was arrested, allegedly for driving drunk and leaving the scene of an accident in Wheeling, Ohio. But what made it worse was that the kids she had planned to perform for were all witnesses to her being taken into custody. "Don't take the clown!" they pleaded. The cops were having none of it.

Related: The weirdest Google searches, some of us are guilty of

A pet gets pickled

History's most idiotic acts of drunkenness
Hair of the dog (Johannes Simon/Getty Images News/Getty Images)

Does anyone really need telling that alcohol is meant for people and not for our pets? Well, yes, apparently, some people do need telling exactly that! One of them was a man named Todd Schrier, who got himself into trouble with the law after his pet Pomeranian dog, Arly II, ended up no less than four times over the legal limit for driving! Not, of course, that Arly was planning on getting behind the wheel, but you get the picture. It all went down at Smith's Bar in Helena, Montana, USA in April 2012. Charges of animal cruelty loomed large.

Related: The disturbingly funny craze of pet shaming

Born to be wild

History's most idiotic acts of drunkenness
Striped and sozzled (Ablestock.com/AbleStock.com/Getty Images)

You really have to wonder what goes through the minds of some people when they have knocked back a few. Take, for example, Jerald Reiter. When he went out for a drink at the Dog House Bar and Lounge, near Des Moines, Iowa, he decided to take along for the ride his pet zebra and its pal, a macaw! Astonished police, acting on a tip-off, headed to the bar, where they saw Reiter driving away with the animals sitting in the front and enjoying the view. Reiter was well oiled. Rumours that the zebra offered to drive cannot be confirmed.

Related: Animals that are so ugly they're actually cute

Skating on thin ice

History's most idiotic acts of drunkenness
From the board to the hospital bed (Mario Tama/Getty Images News/Getty Images)

We've all heard about the tragedies that driving while intoxicated can cause. But, drunk in charge of a skateboard and getting seriously injured as a result? Yep, it's true! It happened in San Diego, California, in November 2012, when a twenty year old man that police declined to name, but who had certainly been knocking it back a bit, took it upon himself to cross a dark road around 4.30 a.m. The result: he got hit by a taxi and ended up in a hospital bed with more than a few problems. Some advice: don't skate and swig!

Related: Tantalising tequila cocktail recipes

Ski when you're sober

History's most idiotic acts of drunkenness
Going downhill fast (Jupiterimages/Comstock/Getty Images)

You'd think anyone with even half a brain would know that strapping on a pair of skis and hurling yourself downhill on a sheet of freezing snow - and right after you have had a skinful - is never a great idea. But, evidently, people do need telling. In 2009, for example, and in the wake of a bunch of accidents - some of which ended in death - the British Government's Foreign and Commonwealth Office warned UK travelers to the Alps to avoid getting sozzled before hitting the slopes. Most listened, but some - very tragically - did not.

Related: 13 Extreme sports to try before you die

An educational crash-course

History's most idiotic acts of drunkenness
Not schooled in the art of driving (George Doyle/Stockbyte/Getty Images)

Drunk behind the wheel of a school bus? It surely doesn't get much crazier than that. It happened in October 2012, when James Sommer, a Long Island bus driver, was driving a bus with more than two-dozen kids on-board. Attempting to park the vehicle, he reversed into a tree, resulting in one of the girls - a twelve year old - suffering a few minor injuries. Even crazier still, Sommer was the third Long Island-based school bus driver to be arrested for drunk driving in that very same month. Kids, takes it from us: walking to school might be wiser!

Related: Pointless drunk pub talk we're all guilty of

Monkeying around

History's most idiotic acts of drunkenness
Under the influence and attacked (Photodisc/Digital Vision/Getty Images)

You just know this is destined to go totally tits-up: you're drunk as a lord and you decide to break into the local zoo and hang out with the monkeys. The sozzled man who deserves our pity was Joao Leite Dos Santos, who made his way into Brazil's Sorocaba Zoo in November 2011 - and in daylight, in front of amazed crowds, no less. The monkeys weren't amazed though. They were livid. They launched a vicious attack on him, not unlike that of the hairy fellows at the start of 28 Days Later who were infected with the Rage Virus!

Related: Best British drinking games

How not to catch the bus

History's most idiotic acts of drunkenness
A sheltered life (Getty Premium images)

Here's something that seems perfectly logical after a gallon of beer down the boozer: dance around drunkenly on top of a bus-shelter and drop your trousers, while one of your mates films the action. Unfortunately, in your inebriated state, you don't give much thought to the possibility that the roof might give way beneath you. But it does. And you end up on the pavement, looking like a plonker. Exactly that happened to an unidentified young chap in Wilmslow, Cheshire in May 2012, and whose drunken antics became a YouTube favourite. No harm was done - except to the bus-shelter.

Related: The Youtube video in question...

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