It does not matter if you have been together 10 months or 10 years – if you no longer feel free and happy, something has got to change. Many people experiencing such feelings are not brave enough to make that change or they believe that the signs are not significant enough to force a change. Think about whether your relationship feels like a burden that you can no longer bear. If you believe that ending it will make you feel more carefree and happier, it is probably because that relationship is no longer for you.
You are living in the past rather than the present
Do you spend your time thinking about the first time you met? The last time your partner bought you roses? When the last time was that they prepared you a romantic meal? If you live in the past more than in the present, it is a clear signal that something is happening. The memories can be very beautiful, but you can become trapped by living in the past. If there is something in the present that you do not like, this is the moment to take action.
Related: How to move on after a break up
Your relationship brings you more pain than joy
Life is full of happiness and sorrow, joys and disappointments – this is simply the way it is. However, if you are in a relationship in which you feel pain and sadness for the majority of the time, perhaps it is the moment to reconsider and find some balance. If you are forever venting your anger to your best friend or telling them of your sadness at how your relationship is going, it is more than likely that you are not in a healthy relationship. Remember, you will pay the physical and emotional price later if your soul is filled with sadness and pain.
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They want to change you
When somebody loves you, they should love you because of who you are. They should accept that you may have some bad points as well as good points. You need to be careful upon entering into a relationship in which the other person wants to change you. A person can change and develop but this should be on their own terms and because they themselves want to change. Sooner or later, changing because you want to please your partner will create problems. If your partner is trying to control your actions, it is a signal that the relationship is not a healthy one.
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You keep justifying their actions to yourself
If you find yourself justifying the actions of your partner all the time, you are probably in a relationship in which your partner does not understand you. The fact that you have to justify someone else’s actions to yourself is an indication of a lack of communication and communication is extremely important within relationships. If you are continuously justifying their actions, perhaps you are in a situation where your partner has taken control of you. In cases like this, it is advisable to consider whether being together is the best thing for both of you.
Your partner causes you emotional or physical pain
An abusive relationship is a relationship that does not have a future. When one partner abuses the other through violence or through emotional and verbal threats, sooner or later the relationship will hit breaking point and everything will be exposed. A relationship in which pain is a principal characteristic should not continue. Excessive behaviour, such as persistent phone calls or mobile phone text messages, is also a form of abuse.
The same situation keeps coming up again and again
You already know this story, it the same one that keeps happening time and time again. Whether it is the fact that the dishes have not been done or they think their meal should appear before them like magic – nothing about this situation is new. The sad thing is that you have already been through this, you have talked it over. However, when it comes to the crunch nothing has changed and they have gone back to their old ways. This is a formula for failure and if you find yourself in a situation like this, it is better to say “enough” and move onto another relationship.
Your partner makes little or no effort in your relationship
Do you feel like you organise nights out and events for you both, but your partner does not even lift a finger? Do you ever think about them all day, arrange a romantic dinner and then they repay you by not even saying thank you or offering to wash the dishes? Every relationship needs to be balanced and if it is weighted in favour of one person or the other, sooner or later there will be conflict. It is not about keeping a chart of who does what for the relationship, but if you see that your partner does not show much interest in you, perhaps it is the moment to reconsider whether you really want to keep investing all your time and energy into such a relationship.
Your values and beliefs are fundamentally different
There are subjects that unite us and others that divide us. The differing values and beliefs of our partner can appear attractive as we set out on the path of romance. However, as the relationship progresses, these same difference can feel like a chasm between you and your partner. For example, if a couple belong to different religions and they are not willing to be flexible, these beliefs can end up separating them. There are couples that can tolerate such differences, accepting that the other believes in something different or even changing their own beliefs to come more in line with those of their other half. However, if you cannot reach agreement with your partner over fundamental issues, perhaps this could be the motive to move on and seek a partner that is more like you.
Related: How to develop personal values
The relationship is not letting you grow as an individual
It is important that neither person feels like they are stagnating within a relationship. To grow as a person is part of human nature and it is a process that lasts all of our lives. If you find that you are incapable of doing this within your relationship, perhaps it is the moment to move forward and begin to grow in a different direction.
Related: How to be a better person
You no longer share the same feelings for each other
This is a painful feeling, but it will lessen once you both realise that you will be happier going your separate ways. What once united you no longer exists, so trying to keep the relationship going is as futile as trying to save a sinking ship. It is better to pluck up the courage and be honest with your partner. By doing this, you will also be being honest with yourself.
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