Signs of Neediness

Written by kate bradley
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Signs of Neediness
Neediness can lead to serious relationship tension. (Jupiterimages/Comstock/Getty Images)

You may think you're just being attentive but your behaviour could be coming across as needy instead. If you find yourself constantly checking in or craving a huge amount of time alone with that person, you may be showing signs of neediness. While neediness isn't always a deal-breaker, it can put significant stress on relationships. Pay attention to your behaviour for signs of neediness to head off potential problems in your relationships.

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Excessive Contact

Neediness often shows itself in the form of constant contact. A needy person may send dozens of e-mails or text messages in a day, each one often apologising for the last. She may call over and over -- even when she knows exactly where you are and what you are doing -- just to "check in." She will often insist on having lots of time alone with you and dominate most, if not all, of your free time. If she has access to your social media accounts, she may post on your wall on a daily basis or send frequent messages to reassure herself of your relationship's validity.

Low Self-Esteem

Most needy people are needy because they have low self-esteem and need validation from other people. They don't believe that they are enough for and by themselves and rely on friends or romantic relationships to fill the void that a normal level of self-esteem would fill. A needy person may regularly berate or criticise himself while excessively praising the merits of others to gain approbation; other needy people focus on the faults of everyone because they are so keenly aware of their own flaws. In both cases, needy people desperately need others to tell them that they are attractive, intelligent or simply worthy of the relationship.

Demands Attention

Because of a lack of self-confidence, a needy person will often demand another's attention on even the smallest matter. She may need you to listen to a recitation of the minutiae of her day and then provide commentary or feedback on all of it. Needy friends seem to be always in some kind of trouble, whether with finances or romantic relationships, and tend to thrive on creating drama that centres the focus on them. They also often prefer one-on-one interactions because it is easier to keep the attention on them.

Desperate to Please

Since needy people naturally need the approval of others, they tend to mould themselves into the person they believe another wants them to be. A needy boyfriend, for example, may pretend to enjoy the same music and activities as his girlfriend in order to keep her interested or create ways to spend more time with her. A needy friend may avoid having opinions or preferences of his own out of fear of conflict and the ending of a friendship.

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