Funny Retirement Card Messages

Updated April 17, 2017

Retirement is met with a variety of emotions, depending on the person who is retiring. Some people may have a difficult time adjusting to their new way of life, while others may be eagerly counting down the days. Either way, a humorous congratulatory card makes the retiree smile and increases his delight of the professional milestone.


Since the retiree will likely be spending more time at home, often with their spouses, make a joke out of this fact. Housework and yard work often seem like a full time jobs, so play this up in your message. For example, write in the card, "Congratulations on retiring and finding a new position all in the same week --- as your wife's personal assistant and professional lawnmower!"


Many people who enter retirement dream of taking advantage of their new found free time to travel and explore the world. Downplay this exciting prospect in a humorous manner to poke fun at the retiree and convey your good natured jealousy at his professional freedom. For example, write in the card, "Enjoy this new adventure in life. Hopefully you take some exciting trips, like to the supermarket and the home improvement store." Or, write, "Congratulations you lucky son-of-a-gun. I hope the airline loses your luggage!"


Since retirees now have more time to focus on doing what they enjoy, such as hobbies and pastimes, use this as inspiration for a joke in your card. Spin the pastimes as though they require hard, tedious work. Use sarcasm in the message to convey your humour. For example, write, "I know it will be really difficult swinging that gold club and lugging that fishing rod every day, but I know you can do it."

Fired or Retired

Although you know that the person received a well-deserved retirement, poke fun at him as though he was fired. Play up the message as though the retirement is simply a cover story. For example, write, "So your boss finally found a way to get rid of you!" Or, "I am glad to hear that you will have more time to enjoy yourself, now that you've been fired --- I mean, retired."

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About the Author

Michelle Barry graduated from Salve Regina University with a Bachelor of Arts in English. Since then, she has worked as a reporter for the Wilbraham-Hampden Times, an editor for Month9Books and Evolved Publishing, editor and has spent the past seven years in marketing and graphic design. She also has an extensive background in dance.