Jealousy in moderation is common in most romantic relationships. It is not abnormal for a man to feel a twinge of jealousy when he sees that his girlfriend had an attractive ex, for example. However, too much jealousy can be destructive, especially when it is irrational. If your jealousy is so strong that you are uncomfortable with your partner having male friends, then you need to deal with your problem before it ruins your relationship.
- Skill level:
Get to the root of your jealousy. Analyse what is causing you to feel jealousy. Remind yourself that it is OK for your partner to have friends of the opposite gender and figure out why exactly it is bothering you so much. Identify the trigger, whether it is the fact that your ex-girlfriend was unfaithful with one of her friends or a situation like this happened between your parents. In some cases, the cause could just be insecurity on your part. The better you understand your jealousy, the better you will be able to deal with it.
Meet your girlfriend's male friends. If you can't put faces to names, the suspense might just drive you insane. For instance, you may imagine that all of her guy friends are tall, muscular and look like classic movie stars. Also, if you see the rapport your girlfriend has with her male friends, you will be able to understand the dynamic better. This might help reassure you that they are simply friends and that you have nothing to worry about.
Pinpoint exactly what it is that the male friends have that you do not. Even though she is your girlfriend and not theirs, you still feel jealousy. This is why it is vital to gain some specificity as to what exactly is causing you to feel this way. If you are upset that you feel your girlfriend spends more time with her male friends than you, then make an effort to spend more time with her. If you resent that your girlfriend confides so much in them, then start making an effort to increase your communication and openness with her. Be proactive in improving your relationship so that outside parties are not capable of making you feel so insecure and jealous.
Improve yourself. If you are jealous of other people, it is often a major indication that you are unhappy with yourself. Take your jealousy as an opportunity to work on improving who you are so that you feel more secure in the future. Join a gym and work on toning your body and getting healthier. Get a new haircut and buy some new clothing. Start an exciting new hobby, whether it is swimming or hiking. The better you feel in your own skin, the less likely you will be bothered about other people.
Talk to your girlfriend. To maintain a successful and honest relationship, open communication is a must-have. Speak to your girlfriend clearly and candidly about what exactly is bothering you about her male friends. Tell her what your biggest worries are. If you are worried that she is going to cheat with them, let her know. If you are in fear that she will leave you for one of them, let her know that, as well. Your girlfriend will either be able to reassure you of the reality, or tell you something you do not want to hear. Either way, you will be able to know the truth and move on from your jealousy in some form.
Trust in your girlfriend. If your girlfriend has given you no reason to doubt her sincerity and fidelity (even after you have discussed the matter with her), make an honest attempt to trust and believe her. No relationship can thrive without a bond of trust. Ask yourself how you would feel if your girlfriend doubted you all of the time for no real reason.
Tips and warnings
- Be realistic. Acknowledge the fact that no one is perfect, and everyone is insecure or bothered about something. Remember that your girlfriend's male friends are probably jealous in some way of you. The more you understand that fact, the easier it will be for you to put your situation into perspective and move on in a healthy and positive manner.
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