How to Comfort a Boyfriend When His Best Friend Died

Written by nicole schmoll
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How to Comfort a Boyfriend When His Best Friend Died
Consoling a boyfriend after the death of a friend is difficult. (Jupiterimages/ Images)

Losing a best friend is a tragic and trying event for anyone. When someone you love, such as a boyfriend, loses his best friend, you can help him by recognising that he may display a range of emotions in the weeks, months and even years of his friend's passing. Understand that such a traumatic event has the potential to impact your relationship with your boyfriend in a negative way, even bringing it to an end, but that it also has the potential to draw you closer together and make your relationship stronger if you are able to treat each other with love, respect and compassion throughout.

Skill level:


  1. 1

    Give your boyfriend time, space and patience to process his emotions regarding the death of his best friend. Resist feelings of jealousy, selfishness and betrayal if you feel them. Recognise that your boyfriend may need time alone to process his emotions and thoughts about his friend's passing. Avoid feeling offended by this need and give your boyfriend space when he says he needs it. Tell your boyfriend that you are sorry for his loss and that you know how important his friendship with this person was to him. Realise that you cannot replace his friend.

  2. 2

    Listen to your boyfriend in a supportive manner. Encourage him by letting him process through feelings of sadness, anger, resentment, loneliness and eventually catharsis and healing. Don't rush him through these emotions, but let him move at his own pace.

  3. 3

    Encourage your boyfriend to see a grief counsellor at your school, university or community centre. Tell him that talking with a professional about his emotions is not a sign of weakness, but an honouring of his friend's life and the impact that relationship had on your boyfriend's life.

  4. 4

    Look for physical reactions to grief displayed by changes in your boyfriend's behaviour, such as overeating, under-eating, oversleeping or experiencing nightmares or insomnia. Be aware of dangerous or self-destructive behaviours, like alcohol or drug abuse or reckless driving. Report these behaviours to your boyfriend's parents or to a counsellor and gently encourage him to talk with someone about them, suggesting that none of them will ultimately heal the hurt of losing his friend.

  5. 5

    Encourage your boyfriend to write in a journal about his feelings and perhaps think of a memorial project, such as a garden, painting or other project that he could create in honour and celebration of his friend's life when he's ready.

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