How to make a fling into a relationship

Written by marisa swanson
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How to make a fling into a relationship
Flings often start in the summer on a warm weather vacation. (couple on a sea image by Pavel Losevsky from

Flings make you feel young, adventurous and free-spirited. But, when you find yourself interested in something more with your casual partner it can turn into a stressful situation. You're not exactly sure how he feels, you don't want to push her away, you're afraid of losing the spark once you get into relationship mode. All of these concerns can be eased with a loose blueprint that explains a way to turn your fling into a bona fide relationship.

Skill level:


  1. 1

    Relax. The best thing you can do for yourself is not to get too into your own head space and obsess about what the other person is thinking before you have a chance to ask her. Take quiet time to sit down and assess if it's the person you're interested in or if it's just the way the fling makes you feel. If it's the person, it might be time to communicate. Remain calm and don't wait for months before you talk about what you're feeling. The longer you wait, the more stressed out you will become and the more disappointed you will be if your fling doesn't feel the same way.

  2. 2

    Ask if your fling wants to continue to see you. Questions like, "Where is this going?" can push people away and make them feel pressured into a relationship. Start with the bare bones without discussing particulars. Tell your fling that you enjoy spending time with him. Ask him he wants to continue seeing you. If the answer is yes, then you have the groundwork for a conversation about your relationship. But, if he doesn't bring up your future right away, don't push it. Let it be enough, initially, that your fling admits to feelings for you.

  3. 3

    Stay independent. Continue to do the things you enjoy while you and your fling are starting to see each other more regularly. Get an extra ticket to something you like to do or both like to do and invite your fling along, make it easy and fun to spend time together. While you are doing your own activities, you also are giving your fling space she needs in the beginning of the relationship to let it develop organically.

  4. 4

    Keep the sex fresh, fun and varied. Part of the appeal of a fling is carefree sex. So, get to know what your fling likes in bed, if you haven't already, and be willing to try new things. This will keep the fun, fling aspect of your relationship strong.

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