Onesies, the creepy Christmas Smash

Written by jillian o'keeffe Google
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Your higher cognitive functions will argue with you, but you still want that onesie!

Onesies, the creepy Christmas Smash
Mmmmm warm, snuggly indoor clothes, and no work! (Getty Thinkstock)

"If you are yet to encounter one of these ludicrous garments, then think of a Babygro, add a hood, supersize it and you get the idea."

— Charlotte Kemp, Journalist

Cold? Sick of wearing "clothes"? Then run on down to the shops, shuck off your grown-up jeans and jumper and crawl into a onesie. If your jeans hang too low and your lower back (code for just above your backside) gets cold, an all-in-one garment will solve that problem for you. If you hate having to match your tops to your bottoms everyday, then onesies (or romper suits) are for you. Never mind fabrics like silk, wool and soft cotton, the fabric of Christmas 2012 is the synthetic fleeciness of the onesie. Not classy, but oh so snuggly.

Comfort edges into style territory

Onesies, the creepy Christmas Smash
Leopard print is the pinnacle of understated onesie style, as usual. (Hemera Technologies/AbleStock.com/Getty Images)

Get up, find suitable clothes, go to work, leave work, slump in front of TV, go to bed. Repeat. The daily struggle of the normal people of Britain in getting through the day appears to have been partially solved by the appearance of the onesie onto the fashion scene in the last few years. Now even though we still have to organise adult clothes for most of the day, when we get in the door we can fling our constricting ties and bras off, and step into the comforting fluffiness of a onesie, putting a fleecy psychological barrier between ourselves and the cold, hard, modern world.

Onesies, or all-in-ones, are fashion items previously seen only on style-conscious babies. For reasons that nobody seems to know, the tiny little suits with the snaps on them began to secretly grow bigger over the past few years, until, when they were large enough to fit an adult, they began to take over the world. Initially, and cleverly, the onesie army targeted celebrities, those people with enough money to buy the most luxurious and stylish of designer clothes if they so pleased. The celebrities then sent the onesie trend viral using social networking photos, and this helped normal people who were secret all-in-one wearers to step out of the onesie closet, and into the blinding light of the Christmas shopping rush.

Variations

Onesies, the creepy Christmas Smash
Inanimate though they are, onesies can be very humanlike. (Comstock/Comstock/Getty Images)

Gone are the days in which the only all-in-ones a man, or woman, could buy were the types of thing a prospector in the American wilderness would wear under his clothes to keep himself warm in his log cabin during the winter, while the wolves howl outside hungrily. Now the big clothes shops and even the supermarkets are busy hanging all the onesie styles you could possibly imagine on the shop rails, waiting for their long dangly legs to walk out the door and into someone's Christmas wrapping paper.

Popular this Christmas are onesies patterned to look like various animals. Zebra print, leopard print and even cow print are up for grabs, and the animals with the cutest ears, such as cats, and those dogs with the floppiest ears, are also represented by fluffy outcroppings on the onesie hoods. Understated onesies, if there is such a thing, are on the shelves, waiting for a discerning fashionista to snap one up, and for the glam girls, versions encrusted tastefully with sparkling crystals are also available. Feet or no feet? That is a question for the individual, and depends on the natural warmness of their feet. Patriotic Union Jack print? An option, as are camouflage prints for the armchair soldier. Anti-cute skull prints are also on the market, but a skull-covered onesie is never going to make the wearer look either Goth or tough, and may actually have the same impact as a person dressed in a Santa-red all-in-one with reindeer antlers on the hood.

Nostalgia

Onesies, the creepy Christmas Smash
Adults might not want to put their onesie feet into their mouth. (Marc Debnam/Digital Vision/Getty Images)

Soft and warm, an all-in-one ticks all those boxes of comfort and happiness that the human being feels when he or she is protected from the cold and oh so comfortable. Adult clothes are so tight and restrictive, with waistbands digging in and feet hot and pinched in shoes and boots all day. Apart from societal pressure on adults to act and dress like grown-ups, the question is; Is there anything wrong with wanting to be as snug as a bug in a rug at the end of a long day?

Nobody remembers being uncomfortable in their clothes as a child. Granted, this could be because adults only have the fuzziest memories of early childhood, but it could also be that we were simply more comfortable, and more free, in babygros and toddler onesies than we are now. The one major disadvantage of wearing an adult onesie, though, is that going to the toilet can be as tricky as for a small child, both desperately unzipping and unbuttoning and partially undressing just to go for a pee. Psychologists could possibly interpret the onesie in a Freudian manner, but there is no getting away from the fact that most of us started out in life toddling around in an all-in-one, and the mass return to it could signify something deep and meaningful about wanting to snuggle up in one as an adult. Whatever the reason, onesies are here to stay, until the next odd celebrity-led fashion trend toddles along.

Tips and warnings

  • Wear your onesie with pride, especially if it has ears and feet, but be prepared for judgement by the postman if you open the door in one.

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