The most common New Year's Resolutions guaranteed to fail


At one point or another we've all made them. But, usually within a couple of days, we've ended up breaking them. What are they? New year's resolutions, of course! Whether it's taking more exercise, cutting down on smoking, trying to eat healthier, or clearing out the endless piles of rubbish from the shed, they have all been subjects that we have pledged to do something about when one year ends and another one begins. But, pledging and planning something is far easier than actually doing it. Welcome to our top ten New year's resolutions that are destined to go pear-shaped.

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Calorie chaos

It's January 1, and you decide to put on your favourite outfit for the day. But, something's wrong. It must have shrunk in the wash, because you can't get into it. No, it hasn't shrunk. You've grown. We're talking about the aftermath of all that festive turkey, Christmas pudding, cake and chocolates you've downed in the last week or so. There's only one answer: it's time to cut down on the calories. And it all starts so well. Until you realise there's still left-over turkey in the fridge. And isn't there a big wedge of Christmas cake somewhere, too? Uh-oh.

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Shedding the past

Your other-half has patiently been asking all year: "When are you going to clean out the shed?" The time has come when enough is enough. Those rusted paint-cans, the broken garden-tools, the dodgy old lawnmower, and the remains of the dead mouse in the corner have all got to go. But where to start? Unless you're one of those obsessive-compulsive types whose shed always looks like it's expecting a visit from the Queen, then yours probably looks like ours: chaotic! But, it's time to change that. Mind you, it's January. It's freezing outside. Yep, leave it to another day.

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Going up in smoke

Let's face it, every one of us has a vice. Maybe yours is over-indulging in chocolate, too many bags of crisps, or endless cans of pop. Well, they're all habits that can be broken with ease - if you're willing to give it a go. Others are less easy. Some are tough. One is downright addictive. We're talking cigarettes. They're absolutely no good for you, and they have zero health benefits. But, try telling your brain that. It may be hard, and you may fail to keep your no-smoking resolution. But, keep on trying and your lungs will love you!

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Vegging for the new year

You're feeling kind of sluggish after Christmas and, on top of that, you've got a belly that wasn't there before Santa came calling. So, you decide to detox and vow to lay off junk-food for the new year. This is going to be 365-days filled with lots of fruit and vegetables: sliced apples, grapes, raw carrots, plenty of cabbage, and endless bowls of spinach. Yummy! Er, no. It may all be very good for you, but you just know that there's a cheeseburger, fries and large chocolate shake calling your name. It can mean one thing only: adios resolution!

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Running from your promise

They're those really annoying people who everyone just hates, the ones who are out pounding the pavements every morning, and who insist on telling you how great they feel. They're joggers. To your horror and embarrassment, your new year's resolution is to become one of them. You've got those new trainers advertised on the telly, the trendy running-gear, a bottle of something with a strange name to keep you hydrated, and you're ready for a three-mile jog. Yes, three-miles. In the UK, in the chill of Winter. Hmm. Maybe you'll go for that run tomorrow instead. Or the day after.

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Stamping out the sugar-fix

Whether it's a Mars Bar, a Yorkie, a Flake, or a bar of Galaxy, each and every one of us has a favourite type of mouth-watering chocolate. Many of us have several! If you don't, then you're a real saddo. And thanks to something contained in it called Phenylethylamine - which the brain releases when we're in love, no less - chocolate makes us feel good. Plus, dark chocolate is said to be good for your heart. So, maybe, if you break your promise to cut down on chocolate, your old ticker won't mind. That's the excuse we're using, anyway.

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Saying bye to the booze

Christmas is done for another twelve months and it's finally time to throw out all the empties. Beer, sherry, Baileys, champagne and wine: you knocked them all back in fine, never-ending style over Christmas and at that wild New Year's Eve party. So, you think to yourself: "I'll cut back on the booze for a while." Your liver breathes a big sigh of relief, and your brain looks forward to no more pounding hangovers. That is, until your mates text you: "Are you coming down the Dog & Duck on Friday night?" Oh well, there's always next year.

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Carrots or chips: no contest

Well, the vow not to have a beer-filled blow-out every Friday night didn't last. But, you ease your conscience by saying that when you get home you'll fuel your body with a healthy snack of fruit and nuts and a glass of carrot-juice. That will keep a hangover at bay. Right. All is going well until you leave the boozer and the hypnotic odour of the local chippy, the Chinese take-away, and the Indian restaurant down the street all get the better of you. And, suddenly, thoughts of carrot-juice are replaced by: "What's so good about a carrot anyway?"

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Saving the pounds

If there's one thing we're good at over Christmas, it's spending money. Presents for the kids, that huge turkey you had to get to feed the family, the Christmas Tree, the decorations, and the drinks: it all mounted up. As you found out to your horror when the credit card bill arrived. So, you vow that this year is going to be different. Your resolution: to tighten your belt and your wallet and save a few pounds instead of spending them. Mind you, that new phone looks cool. And what about that flash car they're advertising on the telly? Bugger.

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Shop until you drop

Every year it's the same. And every year you swear it's the final time. What is it? Leaving your Christmas-shopping until the last minute, that's what! There's the traffic-jams into town, trying to find somewhere to park at the local shopping-centre, and fighting with some stranger over the last iPad on the shelf. Not much fun. This year, your mind is made up: you're going to get it all taken care of in August and be done with it. Mind you, August is when you'll be on the beach in Spain for a fortnight. Oh well, there's always December. Again.

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