How to set boundaries with a partner after an affair

Written by lynda lampert
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How to set boundaries with a partner after an affair
Boundaries can help restore trust when an affair has destroyed it. (Stockbyte/Stockbyte/Getty Images)

Infidelity can rip apart a couple. It may seem like an impossibility to rebuild trust after your partner has an affair, but by setting ground rules that you and your partner agree to and do not violate, you can strengthen a relationship after such a crisis, and learn to trust one another again.

Skill level:


  1. 1

    Create firm rules about how the cheating partner will not contact the person with whom he or she cheated. For example, if your cheating partner works with the person with which he or she had an affair, he or she should quit that job to sever contact.

  2. 2

    Agree to rules regarding discussion about the affair. Outline an agreement whereby the cheating partner will answer all questions truthfully and in as much detail as the other partner needs to hear. Establish the boundary of trust by ensuring the cheating partner will only share as much information as the other partner wants to hear.

  3. 3

    Establish a lifestyle of total accountability. The cheating partner has to build back the trust and may need to respect that his or her spouse will need to know the cheater's whereabouts at all times, as well as what he or she is doing.

  4. 4

    Respect the boundaries that the hurt partner puts up and be patient with him or her.

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