How to Earn Your Trust Back in a Relationship

Written by flora richards-gustafson Google
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How to Earn Your Trust Back in a Relationship
Rebuilding trust takes time. (couple fight image by Allen Penton from

Losing a person's trust in a relationship can be detrimental. When a person feels her trust has been betrayed, she may feel disappointed, taken advantage of, sad and even angry. She will question what else throughout the course of a relationship was false and will often fear being hurt in the future. The process of earning someone's trust back takes a lot of patience, honesty, transparency, follow-through, time and maybe even a change in character.

Skill level:
Moderately Challenging


  1. 1

    Be honest. Trust is usually lost because of a lie that was told or a betrayal. Be honest about the situation, and confess other lies that were told or betrayals that took place.

  2. 2

    Acknowledge the other person's feelings. Let the person whose feelings you hurt know you understand that she is feeling angry, sad, disappointed and so forth. Do not get upset that this person is feeling bad; this is a normal reaction. Let this person tell you what it was about the betrayal that hurt her so much so you have a better understanding of how she is feeling.

  3. 3

    Accept that it's going to take time to re-earn this person's trust, and she'll be feeling sore about the event for a while. Give this person the time and space she needs.

  4. 4

    Ask the person you hurt what it would take to earn her trust back. Many times the answers are simple: more/better communication, a phone call, honesty, inclusion or support.

  5. 5

    Be responsible. When you agree to take measures to earn someone's trust back, follow through on things you said you'd do to make this happen. Take ownership of your choices, but let the other person know when you need help.

  6. 6

    Be predictable and consistent. If you say you are going to be somewhere, make sure you are really at that place. If you promise to arrive by a certain time, be on time or call if you are going to be late.

  7. 7

    Be transparent in your communications and actions. Remember, you no longer have anything to hide. If "something" unplanned happens but that "something" is important, communicate it with the other person.

  8. 8

    Work towards reconciliation one step at a time. Reconciliation takes both parties working toward a successful outcome. Not only do you have to make the effort to earn the other person's trust back, but the other person needs to overcome her negative emotions and start allowing herself to trust you again. Control in the relationship needs to be shared and delegated.

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