How to Write a Letter to an Ex-Boyfriend

Updated April 17, 2017

When relationships end, there are many unresolved feelings between both persons. It can be difficult to find the right words to say when break-ups occur. Sometime after the break-up you may realise what you want to say to your ex-boyfriend. Writing a letter is a great way to express those feelings, apologise or even bid farewell before continuing on with your life. Letters can help you find the closure you need or help you move on with the next step for what both of you need to do.

Brainstorm. Decide what you would like to say in the letter. Do you want to talk about reasons your relationship had to end, do you want to explain your position or do you want say things that you never had a chance to say? Is the intent of the letter for explanation, closure, to try and win your ex-boyfriend back, or is it simply a farewell letter? Understand why you want to write this letter and what purpose it will serve.

Jot some rough ideas of what you would like to say on a separate piece of paper.

Write the letter. Keep the tone of your letter as expressive but not needy, or desperate. Also avoid accusations and anger, and shy away from name-calling as these all reflect immaturity. Still, your letter should be completely honest about how you feel. You do not need to hold back in that sense.

Finish your letter by stating your purpose for writing the letter so that it is entirely clear. If the letter was for closure, you may choose to write that you felt you needed to express these things before moving on with your life. On the other hand, if the intent of the letter is in hopes of resuming a relationship, you may write that you wrote this letter to clear up some issues and that you hope he will consider getting back together with you.

Re-read the letter and ensure it is expressing everything you want to say.

Write or type out a final version of your letter. If you choose to provide a handwritten or typed letter using your printer, hand deliver it to him. You may also opt to e-mail it to him.


Be completely sure that this is what you want to do before writing a letter to your ex-boyfriend. Handwriting a letter is more personal than an e-mail. Be sincere in your writing.


Beware that your ex-boyfriend may not want to hear from you and may not reply to your letter. Remember that once you give the letter you cannot take it back and you may regret it later. E-mails can be less reliable because you do not always know how often somebody will check his e-mail. There is also the offhand possibility that it may not deliver to him because of a technological glitch.

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