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How to Be Married to a Cop

Updated November 21, 2016

Being married to a cop is difficult. The constant fear of injury and possible death plague those married to police officers on a daily basis. A police officer's job is demanding, stressful and often entails long hours and dangerous situations. A successful marriage to a cop requires cooperation from both parties , which is sometimes lost on the officer spouse, who can be so fully engaged in the profession that he fails to notice problem signs. Being married to a cop may require you to take the lead when settling marital difficulties.

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  1. Accept the conditions of your spouse's job requirements. Acceptance allows you to understand the root cause of marital problems. Understand the danger of police work, as well as the oath they made and all of its requirements. When you accept these facts, the relationship can move forward.

  2. Avoid angry bursts. Allowing occupational demands to get in the relationship's way may cause angry and negative comments about your spouse's superiors and eventually your spouse. Avoid this anger transfer, as the occupational demands of police work causing them are not meant to directly attack your marriage.

  3. Communicate effectively. Letting your spouse know exactly how you feel and what is bothering you brings potential problems into the discussion. Also, ask your spouse about his feelings and troubles. Effective communication aids the problem-solving process by tackling the issues before they become true problems.

  4. Make small gestures. In Michelle Perin's article, "Taking Back Our Relationships," she recommends a strategy called "Please Him, Please Yourself." This approach is aimed at nourishing your marriage. By leaving "I love you" notes in his car or lunch box, you let him know you are thinking about him and support him. Often times, your spouse gets caught up in the work and these little reminders bring him home, even if for only a few minutes.

  5. Find alone time. Alone time enables you to remember you married a person, not an occupation. Find time to cuddle, and don't forget to look into his eyes. Also, tell him you love him every time he leaves for work (a kiss wouldn't hurt, either). According to Perin, these gestures are "a sure way to crack that Kevlar-protected heart which truly belongs to you."

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About the Author

A native of New Haven, Conn., Floyd Drake III began writing in 1984. His work has appeared in the "New Haven Register," Medford's "Mail-Tribune" and the "Ashland Daily Tidings." Drake studied journalism at Southern Connecticut State University. After working as a reporter in Oregon, he is now based back home in New Haven.

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