How to make a spanking paddle

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The dream of every college freshman used to be the day when he would have his very own paddle, with which he would perpetuate the painful, humiliating initiation rituals that he went through. Thankfully these days have passed in most institutions, but the paddle lives on--a symbol of oppression and a sometimes-useful tool for discipline. The construction of a spanking paddle is simple.

Select your stock. The ideal paddle should have no knots or weak spots.

Trace your design onto the stock. Use a pencil or pen to outline the body of the paddle and the handle. Longer paddles require more handle.

Cut out the paddle blank with the jigsaw. Leave a small amount of stock all the way around.

Use the sander to round off corners and remove rough patches.

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