Rules for dating after separation

Written by abby slutsky
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Rules for dating after separation
Alone but ready (woman at rest in lake district,focus on woman image by Adrian fortune from

Knowing that your marriage is ending can be traumatic. After years of being part of a couple, you suddenly find yourself single in a world where people often do activities in pairs. Nevertheless, once you are separated, it may take time before you are ready to start dating again. Some simple dating rules will help you move forward in your search for a new relationship.

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Personal Readiness

Do not let other people push you into dating before you are ready. Stacy Kaiser, a Los Angeles based relationship expert and psychotherapist, has seen newly separated people ready to date at varying times. She believes that the amount of time that elapses between your first date and your separation is whatever time frame works for your comfort. Life coach and author, Jay Reiss, believes that you will be ready to date when you are less emotional and realise that you no longer view your ex as a mate. As you become comfortable with yourself, you will be ready to date.

Avoid Past Memories

According to relationship experts Susie and Otto Collins, you should avoid places that you frequented with your spouse. It will be easier to move forward on your relationship if you make new memories where you are not reminded of your past relationship.

Shop Around

Professional life coach and author, Jay Reiss, indicates that you may not find the right person right away, but spending time on the dating scene is healthy.Keep dates light and accept that a full-blown relationship does not need to occur immediately.

Consider Your Children

If you have custody of your children, be sensitive to their comfort level when you are dating. Stacy Kaiser recommends introducing a date after the relationship seems to be progressing and making the introduction in a non-threatening environment where your child is comfortable. Kaiser also recommends avoiding intimate displays of affection and overnights in the children's presence.

Other Issues

Try to stimulate conversation that will be engaging to your date. Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins also recommend keeping conversations to topics other than your spouse. Be attentive to your date and use the time as an opportunity to learn about her so you can decide if you want to move forward.

Consult your attorney about the ramifications of dating before you are divorced. States vary in how they view dating and whether it will adversely affect marital asset distribution.

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