According to an article in Psychology Today magazine, two out of every five men has had an affair by the age of 45. If you're the other woman, you might be in for a lot of hurt and heartache. If you think your married lover is going to leave his wife for you, think again. The fact that he didn't end his relationship with his wife before starting to date you is something you need to seriously consider. You might be in love and believe he is your soul mate, but as Dr. Phil says, " A real soul mate would not set you on the sidelines."
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Commitment Issues and Lost Time
The married man might tell you he loves you, or even say his wife never made him feel the way you did. But be careful. He does not have to commit, because he can use the excuse that he is married and he can't leave his wife or the kids need him. He can drag out your relationship for years. You might miss out on opportunities to meet the love of your life and get married. You could end up putting your whole life on hold for this man. You will be the one suffering and waiting. Unless he divorces his wife right away, you just don't know how long you will wait.
You are dating a married man, after all. This means he has been dishonest with his wife. How can you trust him when it comes to your relationship? What kind of person takes up with someone else while still married? He might tell you he and his wife are both OK with the situation, but you just don't know. He might say his wife is a horrible person and try to put her down, but again, you don't know. It's not a good sign that he'll cheat on someone instead of being honest and working on the relationship. If his wife really is as horrible as he says she is, that calls into question his taste and judgment in women. If he has a pattern of not choosing the right woman for him, that doesn't bode well for your relationship.
You don't know the nature of his relationship with his wife. However, when you put yourself in his wife's shoes, you see things differently. How would you feel if that happened to you? But in this situation, you are the other woman and you are coming between him and his family. Guilt can set in as you think about what you are doing to his wife.
Loneliness and Depression
You're going to spend many nights alone when you date a married man. He might give you the excuse that he needs to do something with the kids. You might go a week or more without seeing him. If this goes on for years, you will suffer a lot to live your relationship around his life and schedule. You basically will live according to his whims. You will not be able to call him at home. He will probably spend holidays with his family. The loneliness can cause you to feel depressed as you realise how much you have sacrificed to stay in this relationship with him.
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- Lifescript: Dating a Married Man: Think Before You Act; Lisa Fritscher: Nov. 6, 2007
- "Psychology Today" magazine; Know Any Foolish Women? Ten Reasons to Not Date a Married Man; Mark Goulston; Nov. 3, 2009
- Dr. Phil: In Love With a Married Man
- Dr. Phil: Dating a Married Man
- "Psychology Today" magazine; Secrets of Married Men; Hara Estroff Marano; July 26, 2004