What are the signs of possessiveness?

It’s difficult to say what exactly constitutes a possessive personality, because not all possessive people operate in the same way. It’s not necessary for a possessive person to display all of the signs listed below. It might be that he or she displays strong signs of jealousy and nothing else, but the jealous aspect of his or her personality might be so very extreme that, despite not displaying other signs of possessive behaviour, it would safe to say that he or she is possessive. What is clear is that possessive behaviour can destroy a relationship and tear people apart, which is, ironically, the exact opposite of what a possessive person truly wants.


Everyone gets jealous every now and then. It’s a natural reaction and happens when we want want to spend time with someone else and we learn we have to share, but some people suffer from extreme feelings of jealousy which can be toxic in any kind of relationship. Possessive partners in romantic relationships find it hard to accept that other people talk to or even look at their partners. It’s also common for the possessive partner to blame their other half for receiving such attention, even when it is entirely uninvited.


A possessive person will also try to isolate their loved one from all types of contact from other people whom they see as a potential threat. Often, those people who are having to deal with a possessive partner, family member or friend, will gradually become disconnected with the rest of the world. It is common to see people who are suffering from the attentions of a possessive loved one to lose touch with other important people in their lives.


Possessive people might tell you they love you just as you are at first, but this will soon change. Soon you will be “advised” about where to go, what to wear, who to spend time with and how to go about doing things in your life. In little time, a possessive person can make enough comments to get you to give up routines you like, change your wardrobe for something more “suitable” and only get involved in the activities that he or she approves of. Being in a relationships with a possessive person is all about conforming and becoming the person that he or she wants you to become.


Possessive people cannot help but quiz the people they are trying to control about their constant whereabouts. It’s common for a possessive person to call you on the phone to find out where you are even if you are only a few minutes late because of traffic. Possessive people will want to know who you have been with, what you did, how long it took you to get from one place to another and they will work out whether or not you had time to do something else in-between they you have neglected to mention to them. Possessive people might even call your friends to find out where you are, or call your office to keep tabs on your arrival and leaving times. It’s also routine behaviour for a possessive person to minutely read every comment, “like,” photo and status posted on your social networking pages.

Love at first sight

When referring specifically to romantic relationships, the possessive person who says that they have “never felt like this about anyone else before,” and who wants to move in, get married and have children within the space of a few months, has possession issues to deal with. The difficulty with this kind of possessive behaviour is that it is very flattering to most people. We are led to believe that the “one” we have been waiting for has finally arrived when in actual fact this person’s only interest is to be in a committed relationships with “anyone.”

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About the Author

Tracey Chandler specializes in travel articles and features for female-interest publications online. She reviews Latin American cinema, creates press releases for an online marketing company and manages her own blog "The Jolly English Pirate." She holds a B.A. in performing arts at Middlesex University.