Occasional arguing is a normal part of every relationship. A couple may get a little crabby with each other after a long and stressful work week, and that could lead to an argument and a lot of tension, for example. However, with excessive fighting, there comes a point in a relationship in which too much is simply too much. If fighting is taking a toll on your happiness and you can barely remember a time in which you weren't fighting with your partner, you need to take immediate steps to take control and salvage the situation.
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Communicate with each other by being open and honest and also asking your partner to share his feelings with you. Poor communication is one of the biggest culprits behind relationship failure. Your partner cannot read your mind, and vice versa. Go out of your way to be open with him, no matter how hard it may seem as first. If you do not know what your partner expects of you and he doesn't know what you expect of him, you are both setting yourself up for a lot of misunderstandings and a potentially big disaster.
Take time outs by having the maturity to walk away from each other temporarily. Take a quick walk to clear your head and calm down or call your closest friend to get your mind off the problem. Watch a comedy to get a quick escape and laugh a little. Avoid allowing the situation to get out of control.
Ban insults by never saying mean things that you don't really feel during fighting, as you can't ever take words back. Talk to your partner about standards when it comes to arguing. Abstain from fighting dirty, no matter how upset you may feel in the heat of the moment. All fighting dirty will do is make your argument more intense and take longer to resolve.
Get to the root of your issues by determining together what your real problems are. As a couple, you need to discover exactly what is really causing the fighting you are experiencing. Oftentimes, the trigger may be lurking just underneath the surface. For instance, if a woman is constantly complaining about her boyfriend's best friend, it may not be the friend that is the real problem, but instead the fact that she feels neglected and abandoned by the man most of the time. The deeper and clearer your understanding of the real problem is, the easier it will be for you to solve it as a team.
Admit your mistakes by no longer wanting to "win" at arguments. When you're arguing with your partner, remember that there is no prize for the "winner." Acknowledging when you made a mistake is not going to cost you anything, and is probably only going to make resolution of the issue smoother and easier. Refrain from stubborn behaviour and act mature when you are at fault.
Seek relationship counselling by talking to a professional. Sometimes, all a couple needs is a little bit of fresh perspective from an outside party. A person that is completely neutral to the relationship may be able to be more objective about what is really going on. Gain clarity by going to seek help from another person, as a couple.
Show a little love and caring by sharing sweet words and actions. Relationships often experience hostility and resentment when one or both parties feel unappreciated or unloved. Refrain from getting lazy or too comfortable in your relationship and make an effort to care about your partner. Whether it is engaging in small acts of affection (such as giving your boyfriend a pat on the back as you walk out the house in the morning) or sending him a "just because I care" text message when he's at work, the little things can go a long way.
Tips and warnings
- If your fighting with your partner is violent and you feel that your safety may be compromised, contact the police as soon as possible. Your top priority needs to be your safety, so avoid staying in dangerous situations.
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