How to go slow in a new relationship

Written by lars tramilton
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How to go slow in a new relationship
Enter a relationship with your caution intact. (Jupiterimages/Goodshoot/Getty Images)

When you begin a new relationship, it can be an exciting and confusing time filled with getting to know each other and figuring out how you fit as a couple. Progressing slowly but surely in a relationship can be helpful as it prevents couples from taking things to the next level prematurely and making a lot of big mistakes. Remember that relationships are not a race and that the most important thing is going about things in a way that feels natural and right.

Skill level:


  1. 1

    Restrict your thoughts about the other person. It can be tough not to start a new relationship without being totally consumed by the other person. You may spend all of your free time imagining your next date or picturing the other person's smile, for example. As fun as this may seem, it could lead to unrealistic expectations about the relationship and ultimately, disappointment if things fizzle out quickly. Try to free your brain up for other thoughts so you don't get too attached from the start.

  2. 2

    Maintain your own identity by continuing to pursue your own hobbies, focusing on your education or career and socialising with your friends. Getting lost in a new relationship is common, but even though relationships can be exciting, it is still vital to keep up your own life and identity. If you throw yourself entirely into a relationship, you risk losing a part of yourself, which in the end only can hurt your romantic situation. Relationships are healthy when both partners have some independence.

  3. 3

    Avoid talking about the future by staying away from talk of moving in together, getting married and having a family. One mistake a person may make at the beginning of a relationship is getting too enthusiastic and discussing spending the rest of her life with the other person. Getting too serious too quickly is a fast way to scare another person and make him feel smothered. Doing these things quickly can also make you come across as needy and clingy, which are unattractive traits.

  4. 4

    Get to know the other person by observing how she acts under pressure, watching how she treats her friends and family and how she interacts with you. When a relationship is brand new, a variety of factors can influence how a person feels. Perhaps you think that the girl you are dating is the prettiest you have ever seen or has the sharpest wit, for example. However, you may simply be falling for the mere idea of a person or just one aspect of her. Take your time to learn the ins and outs of the other person before declaring yourself soul mates or "in love."

Tips and warnings

  • Patience is an admirable quality. If a relationship is truly worth it, it will still be standing strong even after you have taken the slow and cautious approach. If you think the relationship has potential, wait it out.

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