Breaking up with a boyfriend is often traumatic. Some ex-boyfriends try to drag out the inevitable by holding onto their former girlfriend's things. Others withhold belongings out of spite or for other mean-spirited reasons. While some girls are willing to give up on getting their things back rather than risk an emotional confrontation with an ex-boyfriend, valuable or important things should be retrieved whenever safely possible, even if it means resorting to legal measures.
- Skill level:
Make a specific list of the items you want back. If you just ask your ex-boyfriend to return “your stuff,” you leave the determination up to him as to what are the things he considers to be "your stuff" or what items he believes are necessary to return to you. For instance, you may want a certain vase back that he considers junk.
Call or contact your ex-boyfriend and once again ask for your things back in a polite, non-confrontational manner. Do not do this, however, if there are any domestic abuse issues. Keep your emotions in check and remember that the important thing is to get your possessions back and not to rehash any old battles.
Get a court order if abuse was involved. You may have to ask a judge to file a domestic violence protective order in order for you to safely and legally get your things out from your ex-boyfriend's residence.
Arrange a date to meet your ex-boyfriend to get your things back or to meet in person, if he is not willing to work with you over the phone. Again, only do this if there are no domestic abuse issues.
Keep a record of the times you contact your ex-boyfriend and notes about the conversation in case you need to use legal methods later on to get your belongings
Bring a relative or a friend to the meeting with your ex-boyfriend, one who will not raise the tension level, as you pick up your belongings. For instance, do not bring a relative who has previously had fights with your ex-boyfriend or go to the meeting with a new boyfriend. This person will be there to make sure you are safe and also to be a witness later, if necessary
Respond calmly if your boyfriend changes his mind at the last minute about giving your things back and advise him that you will take legal steps, if necessary, to get your belongings back. Ask once again if you can peacefully get your things at this time.
Get a court order if your ex-boyfriend continues to refuse to give you back your belongings, even if there was no domestic abuse involved.
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