How to Make Conversation With a Shy Girl

Written by colby phillips
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How to Make Conversation With a Shy Girl
Patience and humour are keys to befriending shy people. (Jupiterimages/BananaStock/Getty Images)

Introverted people are frequently misunderstood. Shyness is often a function of not knowing how to manage social situations rather than a lack of interest in meeting new people. If you know of a girl who seems shy, and you're hoping to get to know her better, either romantically or just as friends, expressing your interest in a non-threatening way is the key to winning her trust.

Skill level:
Moderately Easy

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    Approach the conversation in a way that is curious, invitational and open-ended. Convey your willingness to learn the "rules" of social engagement the way your intended conversational partner sees them. For example, you could begin a conversation by complimenting something unique or interesting that you notice about her appearance. Or you could engage her in "people watching," observing and pointing out the strange behaviour of others.

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    Balance questions about her interests with a willingness to disclose information about yourself. Introverts tend to become anxious when there is a lack of balance in social interactions, fearing either that they will be put on the spot or will end up trapped in a situation that is uncomfortable. By showing that you are willing to share some things about yourself and also willing to listen and find out more about her, you can help reduce this anxiety.

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    Express your own anxiety and sense of uncertainty. One of the common beliefs of introverts is that everyone else feels completely comfortable and that only introverts feel anxious about social situations. You can try to dispel this notion by saying something to the effect of, "I hate these kind of places," or "I get so nervous around all these people." This sort of statement may work to put her at ease.

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    Use playful challenges to persuade her to come out of her shell. For example, you could challenge your conversational partner by saying, "I bet you can't get that guy to tell you what kind of underwear he's wearing in the next 10 minutes," or "You have to do a shot every time that girl fixes her hair." The point is to show that you understand what it's like to feel like an outsider and that you're willing to be a little bit silly in order to be her friend.

Tips and warnings

  • Avoid coming on too strong or asking questions that might be considered too personal. A question that might be considered acceptable to an extrovert (such as "So are you seeing anyone?") may seem intrusive or rude to an introvert.

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