Unrequited love can be a difficult experience for anyone. You may know logically that the other person doesn't love you back, but you may not be able to instantly turn off your emotions. Obsessing over someone who doesn't love you back isn't healthy and certainly won't magically cause that person to begin loving you. Learning to stop loving someone is a process that may take a while, but it is one that will help you to be a more satisfied, stronger person in the long run.
- Skill level:
- Moderately Challenging
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Acknowledge how you are feeling within an appropriate time frame. Denying that you are hurt won't help, but neither will remaining in a continual pity party. This frame of time is different for each person. Allow yourself to grieve. Talk to those who care for you or with a counsellor if you wish. Sooner or later, decide to stop dwelling on your emotions.
Refocus yourself. This is how you can stop dwelling on your emotions. When you feel yourself dwelling on your emotional pain, remind yourself that you eventually will feel better. Get up and physically involve yourself in an activity that demands your complete attention.
Think logically about your future. Just because one person doesn't love you back doesn't mean that you won't find another wonderful person who will adore you. Your happiness doesn't have to hinge on one person.
Maintain social contacts. Whether you get together with family and friends or go on dates, it's important to maintain positive social connections. Too much alone time may cause you to dwell on your situation too frequently.
Discontinue all contact with the person you love if necessary. If they want to be friends, but it rips your heart out to be around them, then don't subject yourself to that kind of pain. You may be able to tolerate casual interactions in the future, but you might need a little distance at first while you are getting yourself back together.
Seek medical and professional help if necessary. If you are trying to stop loving someone after the break-up of a relationship, you may be more likely to become depressed. According to Statistics Canada, individuals who have experienced the break-up of a marriage are more likely to become depressed. If you have pervasive feelings of sadness along with changes in your eating and sleeping habits, lack of interest in activities that you once enjoyed, fatigue, unexplained medical problems, and memory and concentration problems, contact your physician. You may be able to benefit from medication and counselling to help you get through the process of ceasing to love someone. If you have suicidal thoughts, seek help immediately.
Exercise patience with yourself. Learning to stop loving someone may take a while, and you will have good and bad days. Remind yourself that letting go of the relationship is a process and that you will get through it successfully in time.
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