Whether it's cold feet, a passion for the single life or another woman turning his head, the fact your boyfriend or husband has dumped you can be hard to take. It does not matter if you saw it coming or were completely oblivious, the sting of rejection is never easy. Once the initial shock of the split has worn off, your mind may turn to the possibility of winning your ex back. Instead of running off to declare your undying love for him, consider a few other things first.
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Give yourself a chance to come to terms with the relationship ending. You may never be happy about the split but you need to spend a few days afterward coming to terms with what has happened. Allowing yourself time to get the initial shock and upset out of your system means you can work on getting him back with a clear head. The next time you see him you want him to realise what he is missing out on, not give him the impression you are an emotional wreck.
Stop all contact him with. Delete his cellphone number, get rid of his e-mail address and do not be tempted to contact him in any way. You want to give him some space; he will not have the opportunity to realise how much he misses you if you are calling him all the time. Contacting him repeatedly will give him the impression you're needy and a little bit desperate. Sometimes a break from each other is all a relationship needs.
Get out and socialise with friends. Dwelling on your break-up will only cause you further anguish and heartache. Hanging out with people who like you and make you feel wanted will improve your self-confidence. Should you see your ex when you are out, he might get the impression you're happy and starting to move on. A happy person is automatically more attractive to people and seeing your familiar smile may make him reconsider the split. If he does want you back, the thought of you moving on may cause him to get in touch and ask for a second chance.
Win over his friends. It is important his friends like you, or at the very least approve of their friend dating you. They may have been in his life longer and therefore, in his eyes, have earned the right to have an opinion on his love life, says a 2009 Marie Claire website article. When you see his friends, be polite and make casual conversation. Do not go on about your ex; instead ask about them and their lives. A good report from his friends will have him asking himself why he ever let you go.
Work on improving your self confidence. Join a class or take up a new activity such as yoga or a sport. Try to meet new people, make new friends and have different experiences. Being on your own and not part of a couple should be your chance to grow and be comfortable with yourself. Learning to love yourself will encourage others to love you, too. Your ex may notice you have become more self-assured and decide he wants a second chance.
Seize an opportunity when you see one. You don't want to be walking around in your Sunday best all the time but when you know you are both going to be in the same place you should make an extra effort. If there is a certain dress he always admired you in, wear it. Put on a familiar perfume, maybe one he bought or one he always liked. When he sees you, the familiar dress and scent will trigger memories of happier times. Looking your best will make it hard for him to resist you.
Act cool when you do see him, but not cold. Keep things casual and do not mention wanting him back. You know him better than most people so use that to your advantage. Flirt with him subtly and let him do most of the talking. End the conversation politely saying you have to go and you will see him around. If he asks if he can see you again, casually tell him to call you. That way he is the one making the effort to get in touch and arrange a meeting.
Tips and warnings
- If, despite your best efforts, he is showing no interest at all, then it may be time to accept your relationship is over and move on.
- Avoid rebounding into another relationship to make him jealous. If he sees you with another man he is likely to question how serious you were about him if you have moved on so quickly.
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