How to Approach Someone You Suspect of Cheating

Written by j.l grayson-avery
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How to Approach Someone You Suspect of Cheating
Infidelity can destroy a relationship. (Comstock Images/Comstock/Getty Images)

You might have hard evidence or just a nagging feeling that will not go away. If you suspect your partner of cheating, confronting him might feel like your only option. Infidelity is potentially devastating for a relationship but the suspicion of cheating is just as damaging if left unresolved. You're stuck between not wanting to hear bad news and accusing him of something he has not done. Confronting your partner with your suspicions is the first step toward finding out the truth.

Skill level:


  1. 1

    Get your facts straight. Go over the evidence that has led you to believe your partner has been cheating before approaching her. It could be physical evidence like unexplainable receipts in her purse or a consistent strange number on her phone bill. It could be intuition, an unexplainable feeling that your partner is hiding something from you.

  2. 2

    Pick your moment carefully. When you decide to approach your partner, you need to make sure the time is right. Choose a quiet place to talk where nobody is likely to interrupt you. If you have children, get someone to look after them for you so they do not witness a potentially emotional confrontation between their parents.

  3. 3

    Try to remain calm and prepare yourself for things you might not want to hear. Despite the fact you will be feeling a range of emotions from anger to sadness, it is important you stay calm and composed. Seeing you upset and emotional will encourage him to lie to protect you from the truth, according to a Divorce Mag website article. If you are ready to confront him, you need to be ready to accept the truth no matter what it is.

  4. 4

    Stick to the facts when you do talk to her. Try not to go off on a tangent or let your emotions turn into an angry, accusing, abusive tirade. Explain why you believe she has been unfaithful and the reasons why. She is much more likely to open up and talk to you if you are being rational and presenting your evidence in a calm and controlled manner. Explain to her that no matter what she might or might not have done, she needs to be honest for the sake of your relationship.

  5. 5

    Listen to what he has to say. This is essential if you want to hear his side of the story and find out the truth. There is a very good chance he will lie to you rather than have to face the fact he has been weak, according to Divorce Mag. No matter what he may have done, he will not want to see you hurt because of his actions. This also will make telling the truth difficult for him. If he is honest, and has been unfaithful, you are likely to feel overwhelmed and devastated. If he has not been unfaithful, listening to him can help you understand where your suspicions came from.

  6. 6

    Work out where you go from here. If she has been unfaithful, you face the hard decision of whether to end your relationship or work on it together. It is possible to recover from infidelity, although it will not be overnight and you will need to rebuild the trust you had in your partner before making improvements elsewhere. If he denies being unfaithful, then you have the decision of whether you believe him or if you can further live with the constant thoughts he is cheating.

  7. 7

    Turn to family and friends. People you trust will want to help you through this difficult time. A trusted friend or family member will offer you objective advice and support which can help you understand what has happened and why, according to a Mayo Clinic website article.

Tips and warnings

  • Cheaters tend to act extremely defensive when confronted and may even turn the accusation around on their partner. Someone who is innocent tends to be more understanding and upset, says psychotherapist M. Gary Neuman for a Fox News website article.
  • Unless you have absolute concrete evidence of his infidelity, you may have to accept that you will never know the truth. If he continues to deny any wrongdoing, you need to decide whether you can trust him enough to continue your relationship.

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