If you've found yourself falling in love with a married woman who prefers to stay married for whatever reason, it is important to move on. This may be difficult if you work with the woman or run into her regularly in your day-to-day routines, or if you've had a secretive relationship with her while she's been married. Unless she has made it clear that she will consider leaving her marriage to be with you, you should honour her wishes to stay with her husband. It may take some time, but eventually, you'll be able to move on.
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Dispose of anything in your home that will remind you of the married woman. If the woman in question is someone you used to date who has since married, you may have numerous letters, photos and gifts that remind you of her. Keep one or two of these objects only if you know you'll get over her at some point and be able to fondly remember the relationship. If you're engaged in a clandestine relationship of which you are not proud, dispose of everything that reminds you of her. Not only do you not need to look at it, this type of object may cause trouble if someone who knows you and the woman sees it in your home.
Delete all electronic correspondence with the woman, including e-mails and text messages. When you're upset, it is easy to find comfort in reading old messages. This behaviour, however, isn't helping you get over the woman and move on with your life. If your relationship with the woman has been during her marriage, ensure you've deleted all electronic evidence of the relationship that could potentially surface and cause heartache later on.
Sign up for some new social activities that will both entertain you and give you the opportunity to meet other like-minded individuals. Try a class at the gym, a co-ed sports team, dance classes or an art course.
Avoid rushing into the dating scene until you're ready. Too often, people date immediately after a break-up to get back at the other person. This type of behaviour doesn't serve your best interests or the person you're dating, and pretty soon, you may end up going through a painful break-up. Give yourself time to feel as though you're over the married woman before once again entering the dating scene.
Allow yourself to grieve in a manner that suits you. This could be crying, writing angry letters (but not actually sending them) or yelling. Once you've let out some of your frustration, you may begin to feel better. Confide in a close friend or family member, or even a therapist. If you had an affair with the married woman, you may wish to speak to a relationship counsellor to discuss the scenario and receive help in moving on.
Consider switching jobs or even moving if you see the woman regularly and feel this slows down your ability to get over her. For example, if the married woman works in your office, you could explain the situation to someone in human resources and see if you can transfer to another office.
Tips and warnings
- Dr. Phil's relationship website reminds that if you're having an affair with a married woman, she too is being dishonest. Relationships in which dishonesty is evident from the start are not bound to succeed.
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