Making Eye Contact With a Woman

Written by grahame turner
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Making Eye Contact With a Woman
Eye contact is an important tool for meeting women, but it can backfire as well. (Chinese woman hand on hip image by Allen Penton from

Eyes are incredible organs, as they not only see and detect information around you, but they can also send a message to the person you're speaking with. If you're talking to a woman, especially to try and show a romantic interest in her, there are some things that you might want to know about ahead of time. Making eye contact with a woman can show interest, but it can also backfire and make you seem less appealing or even creepy.

Skill level:



  1. 1

    Find the woman you're flirting with. From several feet away, meet her gaze and hold it for between one and two seconds. If she maintains eye contact with you, then she's probably interested. If she looks away and looks back to meet your gaze, your chances are improving. However, if she looks away and doesn't immediately look back, then you may be better off moving on.

  2. 2

    Approach confidently. Even if you're not certain that this woman is interested in you, approach her as though she might be. This means stand tall, with your shoulders out and back straight. Don't let your brain talk you out of going, just walk up to her.

  3. 3

    Look into her eyes and say "hi." Begin talking, strike up a conversation. If you don't know her, there's actually a lot to talk about: find out her name, what she does and possible common interests. Ask her what she likes to do for fun, which will give you a good clue. While you are doing this, you can look away briefly and look back to avoid making eye contact for more than a few seconds at a time.

  4. 4

    Make eye contact again--briefly--before you go. Say you enjoyed talking to her. This is also a good time to ask her out and get her phone number.

    On Dates

  1. 1

    Meet your date and make eye contact when you greet her and compliment her outfit (this is rarely a bad idea).

  2. 2

    Walk next to her when travelling to the destination. You can look over at her while walking, but should mostly focus on looking ahead so you don't walk into something (although if you do, play it off as a joke).

  3. 3

    Pull out your date's chair for her. Once she's seated, sit down yourself. If you're having a meal, this provides a number of opportunities to not only make eye contact for a little longer--a few seconds at a time--but also to look away if it begins to feel like too much. Direct eye contact is often a signifier of deep emotion, so a few seconds at a time is plenty for a date.

Tips and warnings

  • Knowing some of the body language cues that are given off when you're trying to flirt helps not only with flirting, but with giving a signal that you're not flirting. If you're trying to simply be respectful, talk to a woman as though she were a male friend.
  • There is a very fine balance between eye contact and staring. Be careful not to stare at the woman, as this may become creepy. Maintain eye contact, but don't be afraid to look around a little bit--see what you're doing, take in the scenery or find conversation pieces. In social situations, direct eye contact is normally not much more than a second at a time. Look at a woman's face when you're talking. Looking anywhere else is rude and often is taken as an offence. "No" always means no. If a woman turns you down, accept it gracefully and move on.

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