How to spot an insecure man

Updated April 17, 2017

Insecurity in a man can be a warning sign of other problems, such as an inability to trust or a tendency to be controlling. As a woman, you should know how to spot an insecure man, because it may help you avoid wasting time with a guy who has those types of personality flaws. Also, if you decide to start a relationship despite a man's insecurities, you'll know what to expect.

Observe how his friends treat him. In most male circles, there is an ever-present fight for supremacy. Don't mistake kindness for weakness, but take note if the man is the proverbial doormat in his circle of friends.

Pay attention to his body language. People often show signs of how they feel about themselves before ever even opening their mouths. A dead giveaway in a man's body language is his posture: An insecure man may have poor posture such as slumped shoulders, a tentative stride and a sunken chest or hunched-over back.

Talk to the man. Spending a moment to speak with a guy can help you spot a deep sense of insecurity quickly. First notice if he looks you in the eyes while conversing; although no eye contact doesn't necessarily mean he is insecure, a confident man will make eye contact often. Also, a man with low self-esteem may not speak loudly enough or enunciate his words properly.

Consider how he expresses himself. A man with confidence issues may constantly make himself the butt of his own jokes or always be ready to point out how other guys are better than him. This type of attitude could be a sign that he has a major inferiority complex.


Men who have major trust issues aren't always personally insecure. Be patient with men who are justifiably sceptical of loyalty.


Stay away from a man who seems overbearing or controlling. A guy like that may want to know your every move and where you are at all times. This type of man may be dangerously insecure and can easily become violent.

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About the Author

Mika Lo has been producing online content since 2005. The majority of her work has been published in areas such as parenting, lifestyle and health. Lo has also assisted with the development of community and hospital-based patient education programs, including creative discharge classes for new mothers and assisting underprivileged patients with medication assistance and information.