Love & Logic in Detached Children

Written by scott wolfenden
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Love & Logic in Detached Children
Children need to feel loved and emotionally secure. (Child image by Serenitie from

Emotional detachment in children can occur if a child or baby does not receive enough attention or love. Children who don't form emotional attachments are more prone to become involved in antisocial behaviour when they get older. Children need attention, approval and discipline, which when administered correctly is a form of love. They need a parent or caregiver's time, and they need to become emotionally attached to supportive and caring adults.

Why Detachment

A detached child will often not make eye contact, according to parenting counsellor Dr. Sears. The parent may withdraw as the child or baby cries, not wanting to spoil the child, but the baby or child cries all the louder. This can set up a cycle of frustration for the baby and annoyance to the parent. Parents are encouraged to be attentive to the baby and young child and to be patient and kind.

Love & Logic in Detached Children
A detached child will often not make eye contact. (children playing image by jeancliclac from


One clinical study indicates that children who watch long hours of TV are more likely to not make eye contact with an adult, one of the signs of detachment. Be careful not to allow your child to spend entire days in front of the television. The American Pediatrics Association encourages parents not to let babies watch any television before the age of 2, and child psychiatrist Scott Shannon feels that children should be 4 years old before allowed to watch television, especially on a regular basis.

Love & Logic in Detached Children
Television can be a distraction for mothers in their role as nurturers. (Watch television image by Marina Bartel from


The book, "Marriages and Families" by M. Lamanna, A. Riedmann, indicates that divorce can cause some children to feel detached. Children need reassurance and attention through a divorce of their parents, and some may need professional counselling as well.


Mothers can bond with their baby, and babies can bond with their mother by nursing. Nursing gives the baby a feeling of warmth and emotional attachment. That emotion lasts with the baby as he or she grows to be a child and eventually an adult. Nursing is a positive solution to detachment in children. Giving children attention when they are young, taking time to read with them, to colour with them, to express approval in their little accomplishments, creates bonds of love and is preventive against a child's later detachment.

The parenting website by Linda Folden Palmer, D.C., encourages mothers to nurse their babies, look at the baby eye to eye when nursing, cuddle the baby regularly, hold and rock the baby. All of this comfort forms a strong foundation for healthy emotions and strong emotional attachment mother to the child.

Additionally, as the child grows, adults need to avoid displays of strong disapproval or anger. Regular anger directed to a child can result in detachment.

Love & Logic in Detached Children
Nursing emotionally bonds the mother with the baby and the baby with the mother. (Mommy and Baby image by Leticia Wilson from


Love is an emotion, it isn't merely logical, but it stems from within. A child who feels loved feels the warmth of his parent or caregiver. The child feels secure. Children can learn to feel loved and emotionally attached even if they are presently detached. Children need consistent loving caregivers and to form healthy emotional attachments.


Parents and caregivers should be reasonable with children. Discipline should be administered in love, not in anger, and effective discipline doesn't always have to be accompanied with a smack. Take time to explain things to a child, helping the child to understand the why's if they are old enough to understand.

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